AUTHENTIC CHRONICLES: COMING INTO MY VOICE

I am coming into my voice in an entirely new way I am consciously seeing the codependency, people pleasing and disempowerment more clearly than ever before and I am diligently choosing to create new healthy pathways of love. Being sovereign when I was single was easy I am learning that true sovereignty is when I can be in relationship and simultaneously not loose myself & remain true to who I am and in my power And the way to embody and learn how to do this is not by avoiding relationship but through it There have been many things being reflected to me right now on where I need to grow Where I give my power away Where I blame others for how I feel Where I am scared to step deeper into who I am Where I play it safe Where I stay small Where I am scared of conflict so I avoid it And I can’t do it anymore It is too painful I am choosing to honor myself more no matter who I am with, where I am or what I am doing And this is not easy Especially coming from strong patterning of codependency, enmeshment and being a highly sensitive empath But it is so worth it I am seeing where I say yes to things to remain in connection, to avoid conflict and to make sure I don’t have to experience abandonment But something new is beginning to emerge…. Recently I didn’t feel like cuddling with my lover when we were spending the night together. My entire body was energetically pulling away and I noticed the thought inside that said “It’s just cuddling, not a big deal just do it” and as I attempted to lean in my resistance grew even stronger inside and I had no other choice than to share that I didn’t feel like cuddling. This was huge for me. I mean it was just cuddling, no big deal right? But my body was communicating that it needed space. I didn’t totally understand why And I didn’t have to All I knew was that I didn’t want to be touched even if it was something as innocent as a cuddle In the past I would have never spoken my truth around something like this I would’ve stayed snuggled even when I really wanted space My people pleaser and fear of conflict and rejection would’ve been too strong for me to be able to stand in my power and own my own boundaries and I would’ve caved in to what the other wanted There was also a time recently where I didn’t feel like kissing Again, it is just kissing.. why would I not want to engage in a juicy yummy kiss? But I didn’t want to… and I listened and communicated to him I didn’t feel like kissing in that moment Sometimes he responds in a really easy way and understands Sometimes it hurts his feelings And I have to be okay with this We can’t control the way another responds It is not our job to caretake And when I can remain in connection, speak my truth and honor my boundaries from a place of love what I am noticing is this actually creates more connection and intimacy in the long run instead of disconnection and a build up of resentment. These things might not seem like a big deal but to me they are huge I am grateful for the steps I am taking to coming deeper into my sovereignty To finally begin to truly come into my voice To honor my body and my boundaries To remain true to who I am And to be able to navigate conflict with more grace and remain connected even amidst disagreement These are things that I never understood in the past and would end up in relationships that continued to play out the patterns of being taken care of, remaining small and codependency. Honestly I thought it was normal because it was all that I had ever known But it is not normal And it is time to break free Into our true embodied divinity and sovereignty. It is wild how many layers of these patterns there are... Some of the main tools I use are prayer and nature These are my go to, especially when it feels like I have done everything and nothing seems to work Prayer and nature are always available, always there and often I have found can support me in ways nothing else can. May we all rise deeper into our full embodied expression and truth and support one another as we step more fully into our selves along this journey of Love. Ahhh, As I was writing this my lover called and I noticed an immediate response to stop what I was doing and answer the phone. I was about to answer but instead took a pause and felt into how quickly I stop what I am doing for another And instead of answering I let the call go to voicemail & I finished writing And then when I was done we spoke on the phone Again, something so simple but these are new experiences for me and it feels amazing to be breaking the old habits! Questions to stir in the cauldron... Do you communicate with your partner or lover when you don’t feel like being intimate whether it is kissing, cuddling or making love? Where could you be more honest in your relationship? Do you set boundaries to create space for more love or do you set them to avoid deeper intimacy? Sending you all so much love, XO ~Anaia





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