These words were gently spoken to me in the early morning hours of my dream space about a week ago.
I woke up and knew there was deep meaning and significance woven into them.
Recently I have been receiving phrases or sentences in my dream time which is new for me and has been very powerful.
Last time it was “How much more authentic can you allow yourself to be” and after a couple of months I tangibly saw how that messaged shifted my life in really rich ways
Sovereign : the inherent and independent right to do all that is necessary to govern oneself
Empath : highly sensitive individuals, who have a keen ability to sense what people around them are thinking and feeling. A person that experiences a great deal of empathy, often to the point of taking on the pain of others at their own expense.
Is it possible to be both?
To me being a sovereign empath means to be able to differentiate from others, to be anchored in myself, to know who I truly am and what I truly desire, to listen to when I need space and to honor my needs of self care so I can show up fully in my service which is what I am most passionate about right now
And wow, I have been tested the last couple of weeks with getting clear on what it is that I desire and need
I came to Kauai to explore a connection with a man that I was curious about.
Kauai is so home to my heart. It truly is one of my favorite places in the world and I love this land and the community immensely.
But woah, I had a really challenging first week..
Transitions are a lot for me, packing, moving, flying and not having my own space to land in.
Right when I got here I was pre-moon which is my hardest time of the month and then went into moon time.
Trying to explore a new connection, focus on my work and feel spacious was not exactly aligning in the way I needed to feel nourished.
And I went into a mini depression
I felt exhausted.
I slept for days and needed a lot of alone time.
Relationships can take a lot of energy
Especially when two people aren’t exactly on the same page
Through this connection I am recognizing how I am in a really expansive place right now, a place I have been praying to be at for years and have shed many tears of frustration in the past because I was so closed and in a vibration of fear that kept me blocked from being able to enjoy connections in the way I desired
And right now my freedom and service are the most important things to me
I want to connect authentically with others, be my sensual flirtatious self, play and dive deep.
And I desire to be in a relationship that can accept all of these parts of me
I am in an explorative place that feels so right and I want to listen to the currents that are telling me that right now is not the time for a specific kind of relationship
I imagine this phase won’t last forever but while it is here I want to fully honor and lean into it and let its medicine teach me what it has to offer
I am opening in ways I have never opened before
I see the beauty in everyone
I am so inspired by the people around me
I want to learn and grow from all the unique souls who I connect with
This was not always the case
I use to be afraid and stuck in fear
I would judge others
I didn’t trust people
I didn’t feel safe to be open and be myself
And it was fucking painful
So fucking painful
And to be where I am now feels like such a gift and brings tears of joy to my eyes
I have worked so hard to get here and I don’t want anything to take this away from me
And the thought of being in a monogamous relationship that feels even subtly controlling is not going to work
I enjoy being alone
I need a lot of space to recharge
I am fully committed to my service
I want to connect deeply with others
All of this is important to me and I am not willing to waiver to agreements that don’t feel authentic to who I am
It is hard when I care and love this man deeply, I enjoy being around him so much and there is such juicy chemistry between us
But we are at different places in our lives and wanting different things.
And when I shared all of this with him he didn’t blame or project upon me
He thanked me for my clarity and honoring myself which felt so beautiful and mature
And he remained solid in his truth around what he wants and feels and after integrating everything later shared he is still open to just being lovers
I question if being lovers is possible when one person wants more than the other.
That seems like it could create a lot of pain, processing and conflict
So do we deny the chemistry and remain purely friends?
I am curious how it will all unfold
We can’t try to conform or change each other
We each have to stand in our truth of where we are at and have the courage to say… “this isn’t working” and honor each of our experiences even if it is painful and hard.
And from there we have to allow what is real to be organically revealed of how our connection will look.
This man and I have been perfect mirrors for catalyzing growth for one another
It has helped me get clear and anchor in what is most important to me in my life right now
I bow to these last two weeks for all the gems that it revealed and now I am ready to come back online and show up in the ways that feel true to my heart & to be in service because I am seeing even more lucidly how this work is unbelievably needed right now.
I am here to help break down our conditioning around s3xuality, control, jealousy and fear.
I have gone through the depths of these emotions and I want nothing to do with these energies anymore (which doesn’t mean that they won’t still arise because they most definitely will but it is how I choose to engage, feel and navigate them that shifts realities into one of more connection and unconditional love)
I am ready to live in a world that is choosing love in a mature and integrated way
When people trust themselves so much that they trust others and the way life flows
To allow attraction to others
To allow ourselves to explore connections that feel beautiful and will help us grow
To be present, authentic and free
That is my commitment to myself
And to you
And wow, it totally scares me
I can feel this uncomfortable feeling in the core of my belly as I type
But deep in my heart I know it is what feels true
It feels like the only way
I am riding the edge of something new and from my experience the edge is always exciting and simultaneously terrifying and there will always be others who don’t understand and will judge it
I am surrendering to the mystery and allowing her to take me and show me the way
I am going to allow these words ‘Sovereign Empath’ to continue to weave through my blood, bones and DNA
I know it is possible to be in a relationship where I feel sovereign, free and not enmeshed or controlled
And I know a lot of this is up to me
I am still learning a lot about myself right now
This is a new space I haven't been before
And I am aware there is more for me to see and find balance in
Going from one extreme of feeling trapped and suppressed in past relationships by my own prison of judgements and fears to now expansive and free and not wanting anything to control me
There is definitely something in between and I trust in the process of how it will all reveal itself to me
I am learning even more what it takes for me to feel balanced, healthy and how to honor my myself so I don’t feel burned out, overwhelmed and drained
Wow, relationship whether with friends, partners, roommates, co-workers etc can teach us so much
So that is a little authentic update
I am grateful to recommit to my purpose and service and excited to share so much juiciness with all of you!
Thank you all for being here, for continuing to encourage me to show up & for sharing how my posts and message inspires you.
I want you to know how much this touches my heart and is the fuel that pushes me to continue to keep sharing.
I love this journey of life so much
It is so rich and meaningful
There is so many textures, layers of emotions and experiences to taste and feel
I bow in the deepest reverence to the great mystery
And I am excited to see how this evolutionary spiral continues to unfold
I love you all so much.