Yesterday I knew I needed someone to hold me as the night before I felt my entire body go into a trauma freeze response.
So I reached out to a few people letting them know that I could use some co-regulation and asked if they were available for that.
Co-regulation is important because it allows the body to complete the stress cycle it is in with the support of a safe person.
I was very clear that I needed to simply breathe together and cuddle in a non s3xual way as I knew this would be really helpful for my nervous system.
For me to even message a few people for support is a huge leap.
In the past I would cling only to a partner and ask him to do it all bc I didn’t feel safe or trust others very easily and I was scared of being rejected
Or if I didn’t have a partner I would isolate and be alone.
All the people I messaged replied and said they were available at different times.
This in and of itself felt so healing for me to receive.
One of my dear friends said he was available the quickest & he is the one I know the most & feel the safest with so it was perfect.
He knows how much I enjoy skin to skin contact so even though we had clothes on we made sure as much of our skin was touching as possible which included our bellies, hands and faces.
At one point I laid my head on his heart and he held me with such gentleness and love.
We breathed deeply together as I listened to the rhythm of his heart beat.
I went through some waves of tears & felt his presence right there with me.
I then started opening up around how fucked up my life is and how awful I feel right now..
I went on and on and on and on and on and on and on about it.
I was in a deep negative spiral.
This is part of what I needed to move through it
To express it fully & to get it all out
To be witnessed and seen in the depths of my pain
And you know what,
He didn’t try to fix me
He didn’t try to tell me to stop
He didn’t feel uncomfortable
He didn’t give me advice
He listened for awhile with presence and compassion
& he also brought awareness to the negative loop I was in with gentleness and care but didn’t tell me to stop or that I should be different.
I honestly feel that was the first time in my life I truly allowed myself to lay it all out
& when I say all of it, i mean *A L L OF IT*
& this was the first time I actually didn’t feel judged when I am in *that* specific space.
I felt safe, secure, supported and loved.
For me it’s especially important to be able to feel safe on all levels, including the subtle energies that are present in the field as that is where I usually don’t feel coherence with others because they don’t seem to be aware of the disharmony between their energy/actions/words.
I am very empathic & I can usually tell when I share vulnerably about my pain if someone is uncomfortable but when they don’t communicate it, it immediately makes me feel unsafe and not trust that they are available to truly hold space
& this didn’t happen with him.
Every level of my being was able to relax and rest deeper into the moment and feel held, loved and seen in the ways I’ve been needing.
It was tremendously healing.
I could feel my psyche being rewired in a very deep way.
At one point in a soft tone he mentioned how negative thoughts ripple out and effect our health and it’s also good to say something positive about ourselves
& I couldn’t think of anything.
So I asked him if he would reflect some of my positive qualities to me..
& wow, I wish I could remember what he said as he went on and on sharing the most beautiful and heart touching reflections to me.
I burst into tears
I could feel my cells absorbing his words and the genuineness of where he was speaking from in such an embodied way.
He held me some more and we breathed deep belly breaths together
And before he left we eye gazed and this is where I could tangibly feel the impact that this experience had on my entire system.
Ever since he left I noticed myself coming back online
For the first time in awhile I actually felt satisfied and even happy! (This is a big deal as I’ve been in a perpetual place of dissatisfaction even after being with or talking to people I love)
This morning I woke up and did my morning practice and meditated which I’ve been too depressed to do for weeks.
It’s incredible how the simplicity of skin to skin contact, connection, touch, deep belly breathing and pure presence can be so healing.
I want to be clear that most people aren’t going to be able to hold us exactly how we need them to right away.
It takes communicating our needs and letting them know what works and doesn’t work.
This was the second time this person has held me.
The first time was also very beautiful but he went more into fixer mode which didn’t allow me to fully relax.
Instead of pushing him away as I would’ve in the past, I communicated to him how that doesn’t feel good to me and bc I care about our friendship I wanted him to know what does work & feel good.
He was super receptive and clearly heard me as this time I felt him more available and there.
I recognize I can push others away too quickly when I don’t think they get me & I am seeing the more I am able to ask for what I need with clarity and communicate my boundaries in a loving way allows others to be able to show up in a more nourishing and supportive way.
I feel this is just the beginning of experiencing being truly held and supported in the ways my soul and body has been longing for.
✨Do you know how you need to be supported when you are in a stress or trauma response?
✨Are you able to communicate your needs clearly to others? What feels good? What doesn’t?
✨Would you be open to exploring co-regulation as a way to support your nervous system and heal?
If you answered yes to the last question you may be interested in Attunement Therapy. I am an Attunement Therapy Practitioner and this is truly a modality that I am super passionate about because of the simplicity and depth of healing that takes place. I am able to offer in person sessions only to those in the Northern California area. Send me a DM or check out my website if you’re interested to learn more. Link is here:https://www.anaiasundara.com/attunement-therapy